I believe that we are all in a constant state of change. We learn and grow every minute of the day. Our values, opinions and personalities are continuously challenged or confirmed by our daily experiences. The changes that our experiences incur may go unnoticed individually, but together they shape our fundamental selves.
We have limited control over how our daily experiences shape us. Very few of us are able to exist in such a self-aware state that we are able to question and reflect upon even the most insignificant of circumstances. Therefore, although we must live each day in a perpetual state of change, much of the time we may not even notice the change occurring.
Sometimes, it is not until we observe the sum of these changes that we realise who we have become. Sometimes, we must take a step back from the portrait we are painting and recognise that the tiny brush strokes that we have been so involved in have taken the wrong form. The image no longer reflects our true self. When this happens, life requires a more drastic change – a change that we must consciously create.
I am currently in need of this more drastic change, and the New Year is as good a time to start as any. These are my resolutions.
- Humble Living
Living in a high class neighbourhood has never been my dream. I have never valued designer brands or German cars; those things seemed so unnecessary to me. Somehow, however, I have ended up living in one of the most expensive areas in Sydney’s ridiculously posh Eastern Suburbs. For two years I have been immersed in a society of unimaginable wealth, and I am now realising how this might have changed me for the worse. I don’t want to want a Mercedes. I don’t want to want a wardrobe full of designer attire… But it is difficult to avoid these desires when I exist within a culture that values wealth over humanity. While I acknowledge that I grew up in a more privileged home than many, I am fundamentally a working class person with very strong opinions against consumerism. In 2018, I resolve to revisit my roots and start practicing what I preach.
We must behead the bourgeoisie.
I will stop feeding the capitalist pigs.
Uh, I will stop wanting pointless shit… and live a more humble life… is what I meant to say.
- Body Love
As someone who has struggled with eating disorders for a large portion of my life, body love is something that I have to work hard for. I have come a long way in the past few years, and I am now conscious of the fact that I view my body through the lens of dysmorphia. I have learned how to nourish my body and I have learned how to exist in society without seeming sick. While I am now able to manage most of my issues, I am still perpetually teetering on the verge of my disorder. Not one day goes by that I do not think about my body and the food I consume. I have come to understand that I will always exist at the very edge of this cliff face, and it will take all my strength not to let myself fall into the abyss. This year I hope to strengthen my grip. At my core, I strongly believe in the importance of body positivity… So why is it so difficult for me to accept and celebrate my own form? In 2018, I will work harder to love and appreciate my body. I will become more accepting of where I am in my journey to health and I will be more forgiving of my flaws and indiscretions.
- Mind Love
The quite supercilious truth is that I am a highly intelligent person. I may not be a mathematical genius with a photographic memory or a musical prodigy with talent unsurpassed, but I do have a gift for the conceptual and a mind that never stops. With this intelligence comes an incessant need for intellectual stimulation and outlet. If I deny myself this stimulation, I begin to think cynical and often somewhat formidable thoughts. (It seems that ‘morose’ is my mind’s factory setting). If I deny myself an outlet, thoughts circulate in my mind until I become so overwhelmed that I cannot access any of my thoughts clearly enough to explore them. I have always imagined this as my brain becoming so engorged with thoughts that it simply collapses into itself. I imagine my brain imploding as the person formerly known as Rachel deteriorates into a hollow shell of a human with no thoughts at all. Basically, I need to read and write in order to avoid going completely insane. In 2018, I will commit to do this every day. I will renew my love of literature and I will publish more posts on my blog. My mind will thank me for this.
We are all, as human beings, in a constant state of change. However, I truly believe that each person on earth has a core self. This is a self that we feel is most true to our fundamental beliefs, our values and our ultimate desires. As we traverse this mortal plane it can be difficult to remove ourselves from our natural preoccupation with the daily grind… But remove ourselves we must. Reflection is the key to all growth. Without taking a step back and observing the portrait we are painting, we cannot see whether the strokes align with the image we have in our minds.
Sometimes, changes need to be made.
These are my 2018 New Year’s Resolutions.