Why I’m Shit to Date

I’m married. Not sure how. I’m a pretty shit person to be with. Here’s why:

Baggage!
In 2013 I decided to stop eating and lost 20kg in a couple of months. My hair fell out.

Too Independent
“Hey babe, I’ve just booked flights to China for a couple of weeks. Can you water the plants?”

Basically a Cat
Maybe I want 100% of your attention, maybe I’ll scratch your eyes out if you touch me. You don’t know which. Neither do I.

Too Damn Honest
“You smell bad. Go take a shower.” “Yeah, you sort of do have man boobs.”

Impulsive as Fuck
*Walks into kitchen with shaved head*

 

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